03.20.08
Hottie Cool Down
Hottie & I left things very uncertain last week before I went to Arizona to visit my Mother. We were supposed to meet on Monday when I got back, but Mom wasn’t feeling well so I stayed till Wednesday.
We just spoke by phone this afternoon. First of all, even his voice oozes sexiness. I tell you, it is gonna be hard if I have to let him go.
But I think I do have to let him go.
For the first time in my life, it’s not about him and how much he likes me or wants me or how romantic he is…it’s about me. And what I want. What I deserve and how I get so hurt every time I settle (ie Wally).
He sounded like he was almost close to tears. He said a few times how much he likes me, and he thinks he is falling in love. And how he never meets women that he feels this way about.
He said an equal amount of times how he just can’t see himself in a serious relationship right now and how he is soo not ready to get married.
I reminded him not to take me for granted and assume I want to marry him or get serious. (If he ever did want that he’d have to work for it, not just assume I’m his for the taking.) But I also gave him points for honesty.
He said he would have loved to just date me for a long time, but he knows we’d both get attached to each other and it wasn’t fair to either one of us, and the last thing in the world he wanted to do was hurt me.
He said if he could, he’d change anything & everything about himself just to make me happy. (I’ll replay that one in my head for a long time, it made it twice as hard to let him go.)
I said the politically correct & realistic thing: that I don’t want or expect him to change for me (though God knows I wish he could change just that 1 aspect of himself!)
And he asked if we could still hang out every once in a while, just as friends. I said yes. But honestly I don’t think that’s realistic, since we can’t keep our hands off each other for more than 15 minutes, tops.
After we hung up, I sat there for a few minutes in shock, even though I’d been expecting it. Then my boss called me, so I went back to work. About an hour later he texted me, “I miss you already. I am so sorry and I wish I could make you happy.”
I texted back, “I miss you too.”
Back to Me said,
March 21, 2008 at 5:26 am
Ah this is so sad! My heart hurts for you. You just have to remind yourself that if its meant to be it will be and who knows what will happen down the line with hottie or someone else. But doesn’t it just kill you when you think something has so much potential? Ugh. Have a good weekend!
RJ said,
March 21, 2008 at 6:09 am
wow .. sorry to hear things didn’t work out with Hottie but I’m confused with some of the things he’s saying .. like .. if he was falling for you .. what’s wrong with hanging out and dating exclusively for a while .. hmmm MEN!
Dora said,
March 22, 2008 at 9:13 pm
When something like this happens, I always wonder why on earth did he ask me out in the first place. I mean why bother dating if you are not ready for a relationship? Then again, I am much older and maybe I am just old fashioned.
john said,
March 23, 2008 at 5:54 pm
that sounds heavy. Isn’t love supposed to be easy by design? If so, It’s too bad that love fails so miserably most of the time at its one goal. To succeed.
John
Sarah said,
March 28, 2008 at 7:00 am
That sucks, but it makes me happy that you were both so adult about it. I can’t even imagine what I would have done in your shoes; you should be proud of yourself.
Kassie said,
April 3, 2008 at 11:33 am
I agree, love is supposed to be easy, no effort involved. i know that’s not the common thought- but I believe it.
Dinkerwald said,
April 18, 2008 at 6:56 am
All this must have had more than a minor effect on the person that is our beloved Anna, here it is April 18 and we have not heard from her since.
For the little value it has here’s my hug to make it all better.