02.28.08
Questions…
Today’s just one of those days…I wonder what I’m doing with my life.
Do I want a boyfriend after all?
And if so where do I want it to go?
Do I truly want to get married?
Or would I have to give up too much freedom after all these years of being single?
How do I feel about Wally (my ex)?
Is my emotional reaction everytime I think of him real love?….
Or grieving a dream that died?…
Or the yearning for that kind of relationship that even tickles your bones, which I’ve gotten close to but have yet to experience?
I always thought I didn’t want kids - but is that true?
Or just the product of my ambition?
Will I regret it when I’m old?
What am I doing in this job?
At the end of my life will it have meant anything?
Sometimes I want to give up all my ambiitons and just do charity work, or at least something meaningful.
I want my life to have made some kind of difference after I’m gone (and while I’m still here too). And sometimes I just feel like I’m wasting my time.
Does anyone know what I’m talking about?
I once read this book by Eckhart Tolle called the Power of Now. It talks about how you can only find happiness in the present moment. That’s what I’m trying to focus on until my mind calms down a bit…easier said than done. 
arexa said,
February 28, 2008 at 11:34 pm
i have an msw…but i would recommend looking into getting an MPA or figuring out what kind of non-profit you would want to start. there’s lots of grants out there (federal, state, municipal, private) but you’d need to pick some sort of service or program that doesn’t exist in your area but would be really beneficial to the community or a specific population. hope this makes sense. I know what you’re sayin’, though, which is why i’m doing the work i somehow (still unbelievingly) chose to pursue. good luck!
Becky said,
February 29, 2008 at 2:32 pm
I don’t have those specific questions (I know I want to get married and have kids), but I other similar questions all the time - I question if what I think I want in man is really what I do want. And if it is, how come even when I find it, it hasn’t worked out?….
Jocelyn said,
February 29, 2008 at 4:33 pm
I think questions are healthy - they show you are thinking about your life and figuring out how to be your happiest. Don’t shy away from the process, embrace it! As long as you’re not putting yourself down.
jtbaby said,
February 29, 2008 at 5:06 pm
It’s not fun to be in a job you don’t like. I know that from experience! Personally I want to get married sometime before I’m 30, but right now I just want some goooood lay!!!
ShyGirl said,
February 29, 2008 at 5:42 pm
Well, if you’re not sure what you want, don’t get yourself into a position you might regret later. But then on the other hand, it might be hard to figure out unless you experiment and try it out.
Dinkerwald said,
March 1, 2008 at 5:12 pm
My, My Not happy when you got it, not happy when you don’t got it.
Quit trying so hard, your desperation can be obvious, some are so aware of it, it’s off putting. Try to relax, be a little less strident, try hard for when you want or what you think you want but sometimes it’s less difficult to go with the flow.
AND if you have that kind of emotion re the “EX” then he is not the “EX”, he may be gone but he’s still there, you gotta cut that loose or live with the fact that he’s a monkey on your back whenever you’re with someone else.
Boxer girl said,
March 3, 2008 at 7:33 am
I agree that questions are healthy. I’ve often ponder those same deep questions that demand deep answers, and then I wonder the simpler questions in life, like should I have the last row of oreo cookies, or save them for tomorrow? The simpler questions don’t need deep answers, and yet somehow, they still fall into the same ‘deep-answered’ category. So today I am taking a new approach. No questions. Whatever happens today… well… happens. It is a glorious day outside, the sun is shining and the cable guy is on his way over to fix my cable questions. I will simply allow today to be glorious - no questions asked.