02.28.08
Posted in I've Got Issues. at 11:25 pm by Anna
Today’s just one of those days…I wonder what I’m doing with my life.
Do I want a boyfriend after all?
And if so where do I want it to go?
Do I truly want to get married?
Or would I have to give up too much freedom after all these years of being single?
How do I feel about Wally (my ex)?
Is my emotional reaction everytime I think of him real love?….
Or grieving a dream that died?…
Or the yearning for that kind of relationship that even tickles your bones, which I’ve gotten close to but have yet to experience?
I always thought I didn’t want kids - but is that true?
Or just the product of my ambition?
Will I regret it when I’m old?
What am I doing in this job?
At the end of my life will it have meant anything?
Sometimes I want to give up all my ambiitons and just do charity work, or at least something meaningful.
I want my life to have made some kind of difference after I’m gone (and while I’m still here too). And sometimes I just feel like I’m wasting my time.
Does anyone know what I’m talking about?
I once read this book by Eckhart Tolle called the Power of Now. It talks about how you can only find happiness in the present moment. That’s what I’m trying to focus on until my mind calms down a bit…easier said than done. 
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02.27.08
Posted in Dating Diaries at 12:09 am by Anna
Yay - I finally heard from Hottie. (His real name is John which doesn’t do him justice, so for the purpose of this blog - with your permission - I’ll refer to him as Hottie, which should be his real name!
He just texted me, saying he’s sorry he didn’t get in touch on Thursday when he got back, he was overwhelmed. He said all the things he loved about our date and now that he’s back to sanity he would ‘love’ to get together.
I have to write back soon - but I’m having a challenge. He’s so compliementary and effusive, which I *love* but I just don’t write like that…I refuse to change my style or expression for a man…I have to be myself, or there’s no real foundation for a possible relationship….I hope it won’t come across as boring, or aloof.
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02.22.08
Posted in General at 11:18 pm by Anna
I got up today, real tired and cranky. Everything went fairly well at work, though I wasn’t my total best.
Then I got home, and decided not to accept a dinner invite from my firiends, because I was too tired. I curled up in front of the TV, and all of a sudden I was greif stricken, depressed, upset…out of the blue.
Everything seemed tragic. Then my mind was wandering to stupid little things that family members, friends and ex-boyfriends have done that I still find irritating. My irritation fed on itself until finally I was just consumed with anger…What was wrong with me??
Then I started thinking about Wally (my ex), how I wish I was more centered and “together” last time I bumped into him, how well he is doing in his life and how happy he must be with his new girl…and how I feel like such a reject-loser in comparison.
And thinking of Wally never leads to any good.
Later I had to run to the grocery store, and they had Valentine’s Day chocolate 75% off. I bought 2 boxes. A few minutes later when I found myself in the cookie aisle picking up a box of Pimm’s the thought finally occured to me: Am I getting my period early?
I sure hope so…or else I’d hate to see myself when I actually do have PMS…
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02.21.08
Posted in Relationship ups and downs, I've Got Issues. at 5:20 pm by Nicole
For the past several months that I’ve been with Jameson, I have spent the night with him at his parents house in Reno three times. Here’s the thing: Jameson’s dad smokes cigars IN THE HOUSE and the place reeks of it. The first time I was there, I didn’t say anything because it was Christmas, and they were so excited to meet me, and I really wanted to make a good impression. The next couple of times, I STILL didn’t say anything because I couldn’t think of a nice way to say that I aboslutely hate going over to his parents’ house/ashtray. The last time I was there, I was so bothered by the smell (of course, it building up in my mind) that I had a hard time going to sleep and staying asleep and I felt like the smoke in the air was perrmeating my skin. The kicker? JAMESON DOESN’T NOTICE THE SMELL AT ALL! Not even when we get back to his place and all our clothes smell like smoke.
We’re suppopsed to take the road trip back to his parents’ in Reno this weekend. His mom and dad emailed me and said that they were excited that I was coming. Jameson’s thrilled about going home. Me? Notsomuch. I love his parents and I think Reno would be fun for the weekend, but I am dreading staying in that ashtray for two whole nights. I just know that I’ll never feel clean, and I doubt that I’ll be able to sleep.
What can I do? I certainly don’t want to offend Jameson and his family when they’ve been nothing but sweet to me…
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02.20.08
Posted in Relationship ups and downs, I've Got Issues. at 7:20 pm by Nicole
Don’t get me wrong. Jameson and I are good. No, we are great. And I am happy. But, even the best relationships aren’t perfect, because we as people are not perfect and even though this is the best relationship (bar none) that I have ever been in, I still have my little dramas. And my freak out moments. There are still waves that rock the boat.
Most of them revolve around me not feeling like “enough”. If I’m quiet one day, I feel like I’m not bubbly enough. If I’m not super friendly with his friends, I feel like I’m not friendly enough, or confident enough, or gregarious enough. Whenever I see his parents, I feel like I wasn’t gracious enough. When we are reading or watching tv and I ask a question, I wonder if I’m smart enough. Amd my skinny jeans that dig into my waist? I ask if I’m thin/pretty enough.
Sometimes I feel like I’ve lost any sparkle in my personality. Sometimes I feel boring.
Does everyone feel blah sometimes? How do you get over it?
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02.19.08
Posted in General, Dating Diaries, Primping and Pampering at 11:38 am by Anna
On Friday (the day after Valentine’s) I got a very sweet text from Hottie, saying what a good time he had, and he’ll call me when he’s back in town this week - I can’t wait! He also mentioned a few things he’d like to do to me…with his tongue! Well, he is surely extremely sexy…and not exactly shy!
* * * * * * * * * *
One of my best friends Beth took a course over the weekend, about men and relationships. She said it’s already transformed her relationship with her boyfriend - wow. I wouldn’t ordinarily believe it, but she is a very centered person, and she took it because 3 of our other friends took it, and it revved up their love lives too…
Beth said the woman who started it spent 14 years interviewing men on the way they think, perceive women, what they want and why they do what they do…Interesting. Another one of our (married) friends is taking it this weekend…I’ll have to find out more. I’ll keep you posted, maybe there’s something to this….
* * * * * * * * * *
Okay, I went to the gym this morning. I had to go to their website for the address, because I forgot exactly where it was… I am not even kidding, it’s been that long!
I did the treadmill for 1/2 hour, to get back into it gradually. It felt great, working those leg and butt muscles. I forgot how working out can actually make me feel thinner and sexier on the spot.
Walking out into the parking lot, I was slightly horrified but mostly amused to dicover that I was swinging my hips just a little more than usual. After all, I was ready to flirt, ready for action.
It’s so strange that I don’t muster up the discipline to go to the gym more often. I mean, how often have I bemoaned my imperfect body, felt insecure about other womens’ more shapely legs, or higher energly level (including my ex Wally’s new dame)?
It’s such a simple remedy. So why do I keep these thorns anchored in my side when it would be so simple to pluck them out?? It’s crazy - I’m gonna get my figure on! From now on, 2x a week - at least!
That’s all for now, folks! It is cold and rainy here in LA - but I’m going to make sure I have a great day & I hope you do too!
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02.15.08
Posted in Dating Diaries at 7:52 pm by Anna
He was hot!
He comes to the door of my office, and I give him the tour. He takes me to his car, parked right outside, with his hand on my lower back. Not holding me like we know each other well - just lightly, flirty, firm but restrained…
He opens the car door for me
The car seat had red rose petals strewn on it! He hands me a heart shaped box of chocolates, and says in an exxageratedly low, firm voice with furrowed brows, “Not until you’ve had your dinner, young lady.” The boy’s got just the right touch.
We went to a restaurant I love on Pico Blvd at the beach. It’s in the Casa Del Mar hotel. We sat at the window, looking out over the Santa Monica Pier, all lit up.
We drank champagne and ordered seafood. He’s so interesting - he’s travelled around the world, and has an adventure from every place he’s been. And…
He’s such a good listener - not all guys are - he seemed genuinely interested in what I had to say and what I think about things…I don’t know why, but I find that irresistably sexy! He leaned forward every time I talked.
He’s a scuba instructor and he said he’d give me private lessons and certify me - I’ve always wanted to get certified. I said that is very kind of him, and he said, “Well I have to make sure you keep coming back.”
At the end of the evening when he dropped me off, he kissed me - okay, he is a good kisser, and I mean *great*. And he groaned softly, which I love.
So far we have hot, great smelling, funny, thoughtful, fascinating and good listener. I don’t want to get my hopes up too high, but it’s not a bad start…
It almost seems too good to be true…
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02.14.08
Posted in Dating Diaries at 3:50 pm by Anna
Okay, I walk into work & they are waiting for me. Two dozen white roses. My first thought was the hottie, but then I thought, “No, they’re white, it’s probably from a friend.” My father is on a trip abroad, I don’t think it’s him…
I look at the card, and it is the hottie. Original to send white roses I think to myself, or maybe LA is out of red roses - like a few years ago when the entire town ran out of Botox during the Oscar’s.
The card says, “Look forward to knowing you better.” Sweet and to the point. I like that.
I call to thank him and got his voicemail. He texts me back, saying he’s in a meeting and he’ll call me later about tonight. (Yes, I did accept his invitation to dinner tonight.)
He’s picking me up from work and we’re going straight to dinner at a small romantic restaurant on the beach, near me. I think it’s old fashioned and refreshing - so many times in LA and other big cities, we meet at the restaurant or destination, which makes sense especially in LA because there is so much driving. But being picked up and driven there just seems so perfect for Valentine’s Day.
Several months ago I blogged about a major shopping splurge, including 2 pairs of Manolo Blahnik’s, which I could not really afford but bought anyway. Well, today I’m wearing the gold ones…a well placed investment after all!
I forgot to say …I am very susceptible and easily seduced by the way a man smells, and I loooove his smell….
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02.13.08
Posted in Dating Diaries at 8:16 pm by Anna
Okay, I took the advice of one of our esteemed male readers, John. He said I should text my latest hottie. So I did. I basically said Hi & good call about Obama, since he predicted that Obama would have the most delegates after Wash DC, Virginia, etc.
He texted back right away, asking me a work question…we went back and forth, flirting for a while. (He said I have a 100 watt smile - does that sound like a line?)
He just texted me again, asking if I have plans for tomorrow nght (Valentine’s Day). And asking if I’d be around to receive a package at work tomorrow…
I’d love to see him, and I’m not into playing games but if I say I have no plans at all (the truth), like not even going out wth my girlfriends, does it make me seem like a total loser?
And what about the fact that I wanted to take a break from dating for a while? Do I stick to my guns, or give it up for such a nice, cute guy…?
The point of taking the break was to regain sanity and get re-centered…but the point of that is to be in a sane, mutually empowering happy relationship…with a nice, cute guy…
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02.08.08
Posted in Dating Diaries at 6:36 pm by Anna
There was this big work party a few nights ago, and I knew there’d be many single, local LA guys, so I dressed my “pretend I’m not trying to be sexy” best.
There were tons of single, straight guys.
There were 3 cute one. One of them gay, I think.
The 2nd had such a pole up his butt. Supposedly some guys get gruff when they are attracted to a woman, but even if that were the reason, which I doubt, I just wouldn’t do that to myself. I have put up with enough in my life - I want to be treated nicely by my man!
The 3rd hottie…Well the 3rd one my have some possibilities. He needs to improve his clothing style - a little too sloppy. But he was very sweet and funny. I didn’t get the whole scoop on him because we were standing in a group of 5, talking about work, the elections, and the storms.
But I got some good basics:
He has a sexy stance. Great hands. A deep mellow laugh.
I know he is considerate - he called a friend in Tennessee to find out if his family was okay. I was impressed because they didn’t seem to be super-close, which tells me he thinks about other people in general.
He thought it was great a woman was running in the elections: “It’s about time this country opened its mind.” He is into the environment and conserving energy, he drives a hybrid. And, perhaps best of all, he touched me on the arm, like 7 times.
He asked for my business card, which has my work number and email, so we’ll see…so far, so good!
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