01.16.08
Good to be back!
Hello Girls (and boyz?)
Some of you may remember me, I’m Anna of Nicole & Anna’s blog!
I know I’ve had a long, unexplained absence - if this were a school I’d be expelled by now..but thankfully it’s not.
A lot has happened, both good and bad, and I was travelling for work and didn’t have time to blog. Then I took a break from men - much needed mental health sabbatical from dating - and I felt I had nothing to write. And I didn’t want to bore you! But I finally decided (with NIcole’s help) that I should blog about whatever is happening, without judging it, and take it from there…
Well, the guy I was dating, Thomas is over. He was nice, and there are probably 100 logistical reasons why it couldn’t have worked…we live far from each other, we have directly opposing work hours now, he has to go to Florida 2 weekends a month to take care of his sick father, etc…but the truth is I was just not into a relationship…I was too distrustful and still a little wounded from my ex, Wally.
Wally is now in a serious relationship, planning to get married. He hasn’t known the girl for a long time. I know her a little bit, she is nice.
Last time we broke up, Wally got back with a previous girlfirend, who my friends and I nicknamed “the cow”, becaue she lacked grace, style and class. (Mostly we just hated her for taking my place.) But this is different. Marla is cute. Not gorgeous, but she has a good figure and a cute face. She’s perky. Gracious, nice to be around.
And I can’t help but feel like she has something that I’m missing, some sort of joi de vivre, or a high energy, gregarious lake of goodwill that I am just missing. In other words, I feel like a pathetic reject.
I know that Wally loved me deeply, just as I loved him. And it did’t work out for a variety of reasons - some of it was timing, his not being ready for a relationship at the time, and my feeling like my life wasn’t together enough yet either. But I can’t help but feel that in some subtle way, I just wasn’t good enough for him.
None of my friends would agree, but that’s what friends are for - to disagree with our worst fears about ourselves. I don’t want to be this pathetic, self-pitying victim….and I know there are 100 ways to look at the situation, but at this particular moment in time, this is the only way that feels like it’s not a sugar coated lie.
Anyway, I wish I was better at getting over all this - it’s been way too long. I’m sure he never thinks about me anymore, and I wish I could be that strong, that independent…I’ll have to work on that.
Sarah said,
January 17, 2008 at 8:09 am
She doesn’t have anything you’re missing, and you are good enough for him. Him being in such a serious relationship in such a short amount of time means only one thing: he’s finally ready for one. It’s all about the timing.
kristin said,
January 17, 2008 at 10:43 am
i totally get you here. that feeling of “why not me?” is so universal. and sarah’s so so right. him meeting someone is all about him being ready to meet someone. that’s why it sucks, when you think about it, that guys have all the power in a relationship. it’s like they’re the ones that decide if it’s gonna be serious or not based on where they are in life. not necessarily based on who they’re with. you’ve just gotta turn it around and say that you were better than that. and you’ll meet someone way better for you than that.
Chelsea said,
January 17, 2008 at 10:52 am
Glad you’re back!!
And I totally understand that feeling of…why am I not FINE. PERFECTLY FINE, AND OVER IT. ….You will be, the fact that you can talk about it is pretty big step, and that you think the girl is NICE, thats HUGE.
Sarah said,
January 17, 2008 at 11:51 am
Kristin, the fact it’s based on where they are in life and not who they’re with makes you feel all warm and fuzzy, right? Makes you feel real special?
I can never think about this topic too long or else I get really depressed.
Jennifer said,
January 17, 2008 at 8:54 pm
Hey, I’m new.
I agree. Its totally about timing, but I don’t agree with men having all the power. women are actually the one’s that have power in the relationship. we are a mystery to them, puzzles that need to be figured out. Why do you think they love playing with legos and having complicated televisions and remotes? They love figuring things out, thats why!
But back to you. It will just take time and don’t sell yourself short- he probably thinks of you fondly, deep down you know that. I am sorry for your loss of relationship. If I could I would send you flowers. …
Miriam D said,
January 18, 2008 at 7:30 am
It’s hard not to think you weren’t good enough… But I believe it’s not that you (or anyone in your situation) isn’t “good” enough… perhaps it just was not meant to be and that’s it! I agree with the possibility that it could have just been bad timing.
I think it’s so sweet of you to like his new girl… I’d be ripping her a new one, but I’m petty like that.
Kenzie said,
January 19, 2008 at 3:12 pm
Sometimes you just have to remember that maybe it for the best. And that your going to find someone 100% better.
libby said,
January 20, 2008 at 7:50 pm
it’s been a while! welcome back - good to catch up on all that we’ve missed!
Anna said,
January 21, 2008 at 8:35 pm
Thank you all for all your encouragement and support - I see the wisdom in what you say. It is definitely one of those things that takes a little time…On another note, welcom to our newcomer, Jennifer - thanks for the comment about the flowers!!
Jenn said,
January 22, 2008 at 4:41 pm
IHello! I commend you on your maturity with this situation! I’m still trying to get over someone who has been married for awhile. I still dream about him, frightens me sometimes. Oh well, move on and wish them the best right? Right. Well, I keep telling myself that. I loved your line about friends disagreeing with our worst fears about ourselves. Brilliantly stated!