01.29.08
Posted in Random Thoughts at 6:41 pm by Nicole
Hi all! Yes, I am still alive. But with a combination of being crazy busy at work, not a lot of drama in my personal life, and the fact that Jameson and I are talking about looking for a place together NEXT WEEK, well, I haven’t really gotten around to the blogging. I am definitely glad Anna is back, too, by the way. Since I’ve been uninspired to write about anything creative, I thought I’d resurrect the meme that was going around a few months ago…
Admiring: Those Christian Louboutins that Anna showed. People with confidence.
Beating myself up about: Not having any discipline to work out or diet. Not having confidence, always second guessing myself.
Crying over: Nothing right now. Yay!
Daydreaming about: Getting a new place with Jameson and having it be FABULOUS.
Excited because: We are talking about traveling together over the summer. And, of course, moving in together.
Frustrated because: Many of my friends, when I tell them about the whole moving in thing, have been generally negative. Not outright negative, and not because they hate him, but I think it is because they hate the idea of me taking this next step, since I’m the first one to do so. I feel petty for even bringing this up, but does anyone know what I’m talking about? I get a lot of, “Ohhh….wow….that’s such a big step….yeah….but what about [roommmate]?…Do you think you guys will get married?….Wow….ok….” No fun girly squees of joy, no omg-I’m-so-happy-for-yous, nothing. I could understand if this guy is wrong for me (like if I was moving in with Sebastian) but Jameson is a good guy, and we are good together. And I know that all of my friends are pretty much really REALLY single, so a part of me feels like it is a little bit of jealousy on their part.
Grumpy because: I’m not really grumpy today!
Hate-filled and seething over: Not really hate-filled and seething over anything right now!
Indignant because: I’m trying to save money but my credit card balances are not going down. How could this be? I FEEL like I haven’t gone shopping in AGES.
Just shoot me now because: Work sucks. Specifically, dealing with our clients.
Kidding myself regarding: The fact that I will have any motivation at all to work out.
Listening to: Oddly enough, I haven’t been iPod-ing recently.
Mooning over: Jameson. He sent me the sweetest email today.
Need: A massage, facial, vacation. You know, the usual.
Obsessing over: Whether I should be blonde or brunette for spring.
Praying: That Jameson and I find a fabulous place relatively quickly and that we enjoy living together as much as we think we will.
Questioning: Everything. As usual.
Reading: Blogs. NY Times. I love election years!
Singing: “Happiest Girl in the Whole USA”
Trying: To make it to the weekend.
Unnerved by: How hard it is to work at a job you don’t LOVE.
Valentiney Update: Every day with J is Valentine’s Day.
Wondering: How my family will react when I tell them that I’m moving in with J.
X-rated action: Of course!
Yawning over: My friend’s talk of getting pregnant. I think she’ll be a great mom, but is it really necessary to know that you are “pre-nesting”?
Zoinks: Is the weekend here yet??
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01.22.08
Posted in Primping and Pampering at 7:10 pm by Anna
Not that this is of earth shattering importance - compared to the limp economy, the Iraq situation and the horrific education standards in this country, but…I wanted to share something with y’all: one of my life’s biggest obsessions ever!
Actually, I had gotten it under control for a while, but then it popped up on Oprah, right in front of my face - close-ups on a large screen TV. I was powerless to resist. I’m just a mere mortal after all, what’s a girl to do?
Christian Louboutin shoes.
The price range is anywhere from $500 to about $3,000 per pair. He has black satin strappy platform sandals with a big billowing bow at the heel, glistening red Dorothy-no place like home pumps, and the coolest boots!
When I get bored at work (which happens more often now because of the writers’ strike)…or when I need an instant mood lifter…or when I experience an invasion of the Wally demons…I just go to his website and stare at those shoes, wide eyed and drooling…Works every time.
(No, I’ve never owned a pair - yet! My fav’s are the gold sequined peep-toe platform pumps).
And all his shoes have a signature red sole. So fun - check them out!
www.christianlouboutin.com
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01.16.08
Posted in Dating Diaries at 9:26 pm by Anna
Hello Girls (and boyz?)
Some of you may remember me, I’m Anna of Nicole & Anna’s blog!
I know I’ve had a long, unexplained absence - if this were a school I’d be expelled by now..but thankfully it’s not.
A lot has happened, both good and bad, and I was travelling for work and didn’t have time to blog. Then I took a break from men - much needed mental health sabbatical from dating - and I felt I had nothing to write. And I didn’t want to bore you! But I finally decided (with NIcole’s help) that I should blog about whatever is happening, without judging it, and take it from there…
Well, the guy I was dating, Thomas is over. He was nice, and there are probably 100 logistical reasons why it couldn’t have worked…we live far from each other, we have directly opposing work hours now, he has to go to Florida 2 weekends a month to take care of his sick father, etc…but the truth is I was just not into a relationship…I was too distrustful and still a little wounded from my ex, Wally.
Wally is now in a serious relationship, planning to get married. He hasn’t known the girl for a long time. I know her a little bit, she is nice.
Last time we broke up, Wally got back with a previous girlfirend, who my friends and I nicknamed “the cow”, becaue she lacked grace, style and class. (Mostly we just hated her for taking my place.) But this is different. Marla is cute. Not gorgeous, but she has a good figure and a cute face. She’s perky. Gracious, nice to be around.
And I can’t help but feel like she has something that I’m missing, some sort of joi de vivre, or a high energy, gregarious lake of goodwill that I am just missing. In other words, I feel like a pathetic reject.
I know that Wally loved me deeply, just as I loved him. And it did’t work out for a variety of reasons - some of it was timing, his not being ready for a relationship at the time, and my feeling like my life wasn’t together enough yet either. But I can’t help but feel that in some subtle way, I just wasn’t good enough for him.
None of my friends would agree, but that’s what friends are for - to disagree with our worst fears about ourselves. I don’t want to be this pathetic, self-pitying victim….and I know there are 100 ways to look at the situation, but at this particular moment in time, this is the only way that feels like it’s not a sugar coated lie.
Anyway, I wish I was better at getting over all this - it’s been way too long. I’m sure he never thinks about me anymore, and I wish I could be that strong, that independent…I’ll have to work on that.
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01.14.08
Posted in Random Thoughts, Relationship ups and downs at 5:51 pm by Nicole
“If you want to marry Jameson, you shouldn’t live with him beforehand. If you are just ‘enjoying the moment’ then it is ok to move in with him.” - My (old-fashioned) friend, after I told her that Jameson and I were talking about getting a place together.
The bottom line is that we spend every night together anyway. And much of our free time. And it is the first relationship that I’ve had where we are so compatible that if it went on like this forever, I would be one happy woman. And, for practical reasons, I would have a lot more time to organize my household if I was “home” more.
I ‘m not even thinking about marriage. I’m not against the idea, but I kind of feel like we haven’t been dating long enough. But, my friend implied that if I moved in with him, we’d never marry. I think she even used the outdated term, “Why buy the cow when you can get the milk for free?”
Am I looking at this all wrong? To me, moving in together (aside from having to tell my family and current roommate) is so not a big deal considering that I practically live at his place anyway. In fact, it would be better because I could get so much more householdy stuff accomplished and I wouldn’t feel like a “guest” in someone else’s apartment all the time. All very practical, realistic thoughts. I didn’t even think about whether this means anything about the relationship, and if it does, what does it mean - it all just seems like the reasonable thing to do that would save us both money.
What are your thoughts on moving in? Should I be analyzing it as part of some kind of bigger relationship picture at this time?
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01.07.08
Posted in I've Got Issues. at 4:09 pm by Nicole
I feel today like I am barely holding on. On a scale of 1 to 5, with 1 being no control at all, and 5 being totally on it, I am hovering in the 2.0 range in almost every aspect of my life. Work? Maybe 3.0, considering I have two meetings, an early morning overnighter tomorrow, and then two more meetings on Thursday. My love life? Maybe a 2.5 after having successfully dealing with Jameson’s bad mood on Saturday (letting him stew, not taking it personally). But, oh my other relationships? A 1.5. And my own personal sanity? Definitely hovering in the negative numbers.
I admit it, I spend a lot of time with Jameson. And my other friendships suffer for it. I know that when we are young adults, and when we date, the motto was and is, “chicks before dicks.” I used to be really good at this, at making sure I never shafted my friends for a guy I was dating because he was just “a guy I was dating.” But with Jameson, it is different. He is not just a guy I’m dating, he is a guy I can see a future with, a guy with whom I’ve discussed living together (!), a guy that maybe will be in my life forever. It is a first for me, and it is a first for my friends (who are not used to me having this kind of relationship) and I think none of us know how to deal with it. Compile onto this the fact that my cell phone has very spotty reception at his apartment so it is near impossible to get a hold of me at night after dinner and some of my friends are used to me answering the phone in the middle of the night. Some friends have accepted my “I’m so sorry, my life has been crazy busy!” explanation, but others have taken to guilt tripping (and I have taken to feeling guilty) and one even told me that it was my choice to “purposefully downgrade” our friendship.
I don’t want to purposefully downgrade my friendships! I love my friends! On one level I hate that I’m not available for middle of the night phone calls, or spontaneous dinners and drinks anymore, but I don’t know what to do. How do people balance these things? I tend to feel guilty and then overcompensate by spending HOURS on the phone which then leads the friend to believe that I am always available every night for HOURS and then guilt trip me more when the next time they call it takes me a day to get back to them.
It’s especially distressing because some of my friends have been dealing with the same problems for a long time and I want to be able to help them through it and be a good friend but I either don’t have time or don’t know how or what to do. Like my friend with an eating disorder - I’ve suggested therapy, I’ve suggested group meetings, food counselors, getting help generally, but she refuses. She only wants to talk to me about it and only sometimes, and those times ALWAYS occur when I’m rushing around trying to meet a deadline or have a date with Jameson. I want to be a good friend to her, but I don’t know what else to say, and I don’t know what to do. Am I a bad friend?
And then, OH AND THEN, there is taking care of myself. I haven’t done laundry in a month. I haven’t put away clean clothes in two. I can’t remember when the last time I went grocery shopping was. I feel unsettled. And I feel fat - I eat fast food at least four out of the seven nights a week. I never have time to exercise, and I don’t have the money for it. If I don’t even have time to talk to my friends, I have even less time to exercise and do chores! What is wrong with this picture? How can I get it together? I feel like I’m hanging by a thread, barely surviving, and just waiting for something to break.
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