11.11.07
Please tell me I’m not all alone here.
Blogging on a Sunday night is never a good sign, now is it?
First, about Dinkerwald’s comment in the previous post: I actually debated whether I should approve it or not. Because while I don’t mind the occasional tough love comment to set me straight, what is up with the attitude and the broad based attacks on all of us? Dinkerwald, if you are reading, save your criticisms for me, leave my blog friends out of it! They are just being supportive, which is what friends do. (Also, even though I know I sound defensive: While I do acknowledge the double standard, I maintain that my motives were pure in both calling Sebastian and also not telling Jameson.)
Yesterday was one of those days in relationship-hood, in which it felt like everything was off between the two of us (also why I created a whole new category for these types of posts). Why does this happen sometimes? I mean, it has happened to me before, but with other guys that I knew were not good for me in the long run (see: Sebastian) and so I would just shrug it off as more evidence that these guys were not good for me in the long run. But, when it happens with Jameson I get a little nervous because while I don’t tell my “real life” friends this, I do secretly, sometimes think that this could be it for me and he could be The One.
It started off so well. We woke up and he pulled me close to him and said something like, “I’ve been looking forward to this all week.” We were that cheesy blissful couple at McDonald’s getting coffee and Egg McMuffins. We separated to run errands with firm plans to meet back up sooner rather than later. Which is where everything went to shit.
Before meeting back up with Jameson, I quickly logged on to myspace. There, I saw that Sebastian had messaged me. (DING! Residual Guilt!) It wasn’t a big deal message, just a friendly message seeing what was going on with me, but I wonder if I have opened a can of worms with last week’s phone call.
Because I am an IDIOT, I also checked Jameson’s page. Let me backtrack for a minute - Jameson has a myspace page that he rarely checks, updates, or uses. I glanced at it once, in the beginning of our relationship, but didn’t really read it (it’s funny how in the beginning of a relationship, you don’t care about the other girls in their lives, huh?) and haven’t really looked at it since because I know he doesn’t update it. But yesterday I looked at it and there, on his page, was a comment about how he had a crush on some other girl on myspace. And then a comment from this girl how she “loves” him too. (”I love yous” are nagging me, because when are we going to say it to each other?) And cute pictures of him that this crush girl could see. And even though all this happened months and months ago, before I even met him, I still felt a stabbing pang in my chest and the jealousy and insecurities began to rise up and I went from one half of a blissful couple to a crazy, insecure, immature bitch.
He called me to see when I was coming over. I said, “Soon.” He, hearing my curt tone, asked what was wrong. “Nothing,” I replied.
I tried to put it out of my head over dinner with friends, and thought I was pretty successful in doing so. But now in retrospect, I think I may have let my insecure bitch leak out in other ways, notably: Name checking a guy I dated before meeting him, talking about my “game”, referencing his sweater as “Harry Potter cute”, and jokingly stating that I was dating him for his “mind, not his body”.
Of course, when we got back to my place, he was pissy. I was trying to be conscillatory (not realizing what a bitch I had been) and then I was getting hurt because he was ignoring my attempts to be nice. He asked me what was wrong, I said “nothing.” I asked him back, he said the same. We both went to sleep on opposite sides of the bed.
Today, it has been better but not back to normal. I was uncharacteristically quiet, as was he. And now I wonder if I should bring it up, and if so, what do I say? I mean, this whole myspace thing is so not a big deal to any rational person. And, taking that out of the context, I don’t know, was I being that obnoxious over dinner? What if there is something else going on with him that I’m not even aware of?
Clearly, we need to talk, but I hate these types of talks. I will just have to suck it up, I guess. But, please, can you all tell me - does this kind of thing happen in normal healthy relationships (at least every once in a while)? Because if not, hooo boy, am I screwed.
Tilly said,
November 12, 2007 at 6:09 am
Totally normal. We can’t all be amazing communicators all the time. Sometimes you hit a few bumps…but that’s all it is. Love is bumpy.
*kb* said,
November 12, 2007 at 6:15 am
Crap, as for Dinkleberry, he or she has cleary dated some wack jobs, because some judgement is totally being thrown your way. I’m all about telling people EVERYTHING, sometimes probably more than necessary. However, I don’t think it’s necessary to tell people things that will only bring hurt. That being said, I do think you now owe Jameson some type of communication for Saturday night.
Margarita said,
November 12, 2007 at 7:25 am
Ohhh, I try to avoid facebook and myspace. My insecurities rise up when I see some chick being more friendly than she should. I turn into neanderthal woman and think, “He’s mine biatch, back it up.” I don’t think we ever fully get past that. It’s just how we deal with it. And I think it’s okay to have an occasional flip out because in the end we’re all human.
The Maiden Metallurgist said,
November 12, 2007 at 7:39 am
Ugh, the MySpace thing is a big deal. My friends and I talk about it, and we have all decided that nothing good can come from it. Every time I log on I feel like a stalker, even if I don’t check anyone’s page but my own. If I do venture out and check out some boys page I always feel guilty, and kind of sick with myself. And then I take it out on him, but don’t tell him why, because even thought I’m being crazy, I don’t want him to know I’m crazy (just a little).
It happens to everyone. Maybe not dudes. Explain why you were curt with him regarding stupid MySpace, but leave Sebastian out of it. When confession makes us feel better but hurts the one we are confessing to, it’s more selfish than anything else.
blogging barbie said,
November 12, 2007 at 12:41 pm
myspace and facebook are the devil. end of story. they are like, the facilitators of “the crazy” which face it, is NOT FUN. they also allow information to be known which before these gateways, one might never have known. nevermind if the info is actually pertinent with UP TO DATE info.
honestly? i’d just fess up about the myspace thing, but play the whole “i know you may think this is dumb because i know it is, and yes, i’m being a girl, and i yes, i know that this happened months ago before me, but yeah, it put me in a little snit, and i realized just how much i care about you when it bothered me that much.”
hopefully, he’ll think you’re adorable, and be oh so happy and flattered that your feelings for him are that strong. hope things work out.
xo, bb
Jill said,
November 12, 2007 at 6:23 pm
Honestly, I think that the main theme in your hiccups with Jameson is your lack of communication. Talk to him! Tell him you felt insecure because you read his myspace page. He’ll probably find it endearing and at least he’ll then understand why you were being a bit bitchy. I really, really think you need to try the honesty route and see what happens. I say this from experience and with your best interests at heart.
Sarah said,
November 13, 2007 at 7:29 am
Wonderful advice from everyone else. Now update!
Victoria said,
November 14, 2007 at 8:51 am
Honesty…always! I agree that some things are better left unsaid, but not when it comes to someone or something that would put your relationship at risk…especially if this guy is “THE ONE”. Anything with anyone that happened in the past shouldn’t matter…to either of you, but it will. Sad but true. Communicate your irrational fears. If he’s going to love you, he’s going to have to love all of you right? AND if you communicate with him, even half as well as you do on here…he will hang on your every word and love you all the more!
V:)
Miriam said,
November 15, 2007 at 8:16 am
Just to answer your question, in my experience, yes that is totally normal. I’ve been with my boyfriend for five years. We have similar tiffs like this every once in a while, but having one off day compared to all the other great days is not going to make or break a good relationship. I like blogging barbie’s advice. Good luck, hope things turn out well.
A Lil' Irish Lass said,
November 15, 2007 at 1:52 pm
I haven’t checked Beave’s Facebook or MySpace in two months - nothing good can come of it.
As for you situation with Jameson, if the tension persists, I would be straight with him. Tell him you were curt over something silly and apologize. From his perspective, he’s probably wondering what in the hell made you run so cold so suddenly.
Of course, now I realize that my comment is probably about five days late. This is what happens when you go away for a week during NaBloPoMo. BLAST!
AmyD said,
November 20, 2007 at 8:21 am
Oh hell yeah it happens!! It’s funny how we allow our own fear/guilt to ruin it for the other person from time to time. I find that when I’m mad at myself, that’s when I’m most adept at calling my own man out on a little something he might have done that wasn’t “perfect.” It’s a completely shattered, telling mirror. I’m NOT calling you out here, but I think your initial jealousy/worry at seeing his webpage completely stemmed from you feeling slightly bad/guilty for talking to Sebastian again. If I’m wrong, please let me know. I just know this is completely human to do, and something ou need to discuss with Jameson, if you haven’t already - I’ve been scarce on the blog scene this past week, so you’ve probably already fixed it all by now, anyway. The two of you tend to be pretty good at communicating, so don’t stop now (and good luck)!
As for Dink….MEH.
Daniel said,
November 22, 2007 at 10:25 am
I couldn’t understand some parts of this article m not all alone here., but I guess I just need to check some more resources regarding this, because it sounds interesting.
Chelsea said,
November 28, 2007 at 8:40 pm
ok, again this is nie. I’m not alone. I did the exact same thing a couple days ago because my man has SINGLE listed as relationship status. woo hoo. I got a bit neurotic and crazy and recovering from it has been a bit of feat. But when you love someone so much its just because youre afraid of losing them that little things like that make your irrational. Its just remembering that you ar ebeing, just that, -irrational. and NO. you are not alone.