10.16.07
New Attitude!
Someone forwarded me an email today from a “relationship guru” which basically said that the divorce rate is now over 50%, and the divorce rate for 2nd marriages is even higher - over 60%. And the reason for this is that we look for the wrong things in relationships: most of us try to find the mate that will make us happy and fulfill our needs, and while this is a natural human desire it is basically impossible to achieve.
She said relationships mirror the parts of ourselves that create our own happiness, and…reflect the parts of ourselves that need healing and introspection. That’s why we keep attracting the same patterns and tendencies in men and relationships that don’t work - we need to figure out those issues somehow, within ourselves first. Then our relationships will manifest differently.
It makes sense, but sounds so unromantic! Have I been looking for love in all the wrong places? That means all my images of a knight in shining armor are nothing more than immature fantasies and it’s time for me to grow up and see the men in my life for who they really are - imperfect human beings who will surely share good times with me, and almost certainly hurt me at times, as well. And it’s all part of the human mix we called romance, and there’s nothing wrong with it.
It also means no judgements, no grudges…
Of course, I’m not as stupid as I may sound…I’ve heard all this before. But to be totally honest, I haven’t always lived by it. A part of me has been holding onto childhood standards of a fairytale Prince. And now I’m realizing not only is that unreal, it’s also unfair because no man can ever win with me and…I can never get my expectations met….
I need a change of attitude!
libby said,
October 16, 2007 at 8:06 pm
i am the same way. i have yet to have my heart broken and i dread the day it happens because i know it is inevitable. i live in this world where i dream of a perfect guy…but i’m far from perfect myself.
totally unromantic.
but sigh. such is our reality!!!
Hope said,
October 16, 2007 at 10:44 pm
I’ve heard it all before too, but its good to hear it every once in awhile because you forget that instead of trying to find someone to complete us, we should be trying to find a way to complete ourselves!
I need a change of attitude toooo, but I don’t want to let go of my knight in shining armour fantasy either!
Sarah said,
October 17, 2007 at 8:06 am
The good news is those who wed for the first time after the age of 25 have like an 80% chance of not ever getting divorced. In addition to realizing that men are not perfect is also finding out who you are!