10.13.07
S&M - Follow Up
Hi Y’all!
Thanks so much for your advice on my S&M quandry. (Post titled: Red Flag?)
Here’s the scoop: He called again the next day and I was so freaked out, I felt like I needed time to center myself before responding, or else I’d make a mess of things. So I texted him and said I couldn’t talk because I was working late. I thought about all your comments - about trying something new, and I thought a lot about trust.
It’s true I like him a lot, and the sex is undeniably hot. But can I say I have absolute trust in him? No, not yet. Trust is a tricky thing for me. How do you, or I, or anyone get to that place?
I think it comes down to self trust in a way. Yes, I have to protect myself, my emotional boundaries, as you guys said. And do I trust myself to do that in a possible S&M situation? Not yet because I don’t know what I want quite yet…
If I do this with him, what is my real motive? Is it fear of losing him to someone more adventurous? Am I doing it because I like him and want to please him? Or because of my own curiousity? I think all 3 come into play. But I don’t want to do it out of fear of losing him, or fear of anything - if I do, I’m not being true to myself, and then it’s harder to trust myself.
And if I can’t trust myself, how can I possibly trust my partner? And how can I enjoy something that requires so much trust, and can be so potentially delicious?
So I called him the next day and said I missed him and I wasn’t ready for S&M yet, but I am curious and I might like to try it in the near future (some of you guys piqued my curiosity!) That was my authentic truth. He was an angel about it. No pressure, very respectul.
He’s back now, but I’ve been a little sick. We’re supposed to see each other tomorrow (Sunday) or soon after. I’ll keep you posted.