10.10.07
Ahead of the curve / behind the curve
I don’t know what is worse: Being the only single girl amongst your friends or being the only non-single girl amongst your friends. Both are fraught with peril. As the lone single, you are expected to entertain yourself, listen to stories about the wedding, or the marriage, or preparing for the wedding, or preparing for the kid, or how they just don’t “go out” like they used to because they are MARRIED now, just in case you had forgotten. You feel a little left behind, out of the loop, the divide grows wider.
As the lone friend with the boyfriend, you are automatically on the outs, you don’t understand, you are suddenly boring, your loyalties are tested all the time. Sometimes you feel guilty because your friends don’t go out as much now that you don’t go out as much. Sometimes you feel guilty because where you used to be free to meet up with someone for dinner, randomly, on a weeknight, now you must take into consideration what your boyfriend is doing too - and since you haven’t been home in three days except to shower and change clothes, when are you going to be doing your laundry, anyway? Sometimes you feel guilty for being so happy.
It is a balancing act, and one that I am no expert at. I try to not get down with my married friends that I’m not “there” yet. I try to not let my totally single friends feel like I’m leaving them behind now that I have a boyfriend. It is a fact of life, it has happened to me: People couple up and sometimes the friends get left behind. What can we do about it but stop comparing ourselves to others (or imposing guilt on ourselves for the well-being of others), and start concentrating our own happiness?
golytlee said,
October 10, 2007 at 9:48 pm
GREAT post! I am now the coupled up friend amongst singles and I get THE speech each time I tell them I’m staying in just to stay in and yes! do laundry and enjoy my apartment because I am never there and when I am the boy is with me, so what can you do? Scoop up any free precious time you have and do the laundry
Hope said,
October 10, 2007 at 11:37 pm
I loved this post! I am the single one while all my friends have boyfriends so it was nice to see the other side of that coin for a change.
Don’t feel guilty, Nicole. It CAN be quite the balancing act, but remember to take care of yourself first and foremost.
AmyD said,
October 11, 2007 at 8:04 am
Oh man, does this ever resonate with me. I’ve been on both sides and they both suck - although when you are the one with the boyfriend, you do have the upside of getting laid… Ha! Yet, no matter what, you either feel the guilt or the sadness. UGH.
The only way I was able to move past this was to remind myself that we have different friends for different reasons; sometimes you grow apart, and that’s OK. It’ s the ones that are there ALL THE TIME that you need to worry the most about. I know that’s not easy, but it’s life.
But like I said, at lease now you’re gettin’ some. There has to be some solace in that, right?
blogging barbie said,
October 11, 2007 at 8:41 am
loved this post. could so totally relate. amen sistah.