10.05.07
Red Flag?
Oh My God! I just found out Thomas is kiind of into S&M! He called from Florida and wanted to have phone sex. He asked me if I like to whip or be whipped or any S&M. I said I’ve never tried it, but no. He said he’s done it before, but he’s not into the heavy stuff. I don’t even know what that means…
I don’t know if he expects me to experiment with him, or if he’s fine to let it go…or if he’ll miss it and get restless if he goes without it for too long. He said, “You should let me teach you”. I just laughed it off. But I’m kind of nervous…
I hope this is not a red flag. Any advice out there???
Fabulous said,
October 5, 2007 at 4:37 pm
Darling, believe me…that can be fun fun fun….I’d suggest though not starting with the spanking or whipping but rather exploring your submissive tendencies (if there are any. ;)) in different ways…can be hot hot hot hot hot.
Personally…i wouldn’t agree to any whipping crap without seeing how he handles the standard submissive tendencies.
libby said,
October 5, 2007 at 5:12 pm
k as usual girl who can’t relate here…but my only advice? don’t do anything that YOU’RE not comfortable doing. follow your gut on this iffy sitch!
Nicole said,
October 5, 2007 at 9:01 pm
here’s what i think… if it’s just that it scares you, then maybe just try to be open minded about everything and try it with him because you might find that you like parts of it. if it’s that it makes you uncomfortable, then just say you aren’t and he’ll most likely respect it and move on.
i’ve never experimented that way, but if I was with a partner who wanted to, i can’t say i wouldn’t try just for the experience of it. why the hell not, right?
Michelle said,
October 6, 2007 at 6:24 am
well only time will tell if it’s a red flag or not. if you’re open to trying it go for it. if not, i hope he respects that decision and doesn’t make you feel obligated. you’ll know by his reaction if there’s something to worry about.
Bar Advice said,
October 7, 2007 at 6:22 am
Your last blog says he left to go to Florida. Parents place. Then he calls and it sounds like he’s into S&M. You’re not sure. He’s so far. Not sure if he’ll act on it. Wondering if he’s whipping himself or some other girl doing it for him. He’s getting off on all counts.
He’s trying to have phone sex with you. He drops a hit that he’s into S&M. He tells you that you should try it with him. If he is doing anything, we’re not sure here, and he gets caught. He’ll tell you that he mentioned it before and he has certain urges and he will seek your forgiveness for being unfaithfull.
The main thing is people have fetishes.
Lil' Irish Lass said,
October 11, 2007 at 6:23 am
I agree with Fabulous - light BDSM can be funnnnn and oh-so-hot. BUT, it’s totally a trust thing. I have never (and never would) participate unless I was in a stable situation with the guy. Not only can it be physically dangerous if the guy doesn’t know you well enough to know where your boundaries are, but also emotionally dangerous. It can bring up feelings like “does this guy think I’m a slutty freak?” and “does this mean he is just using me for sex?” You need to know 100% that you have this guy’s respect before you go there (in my opinion, at least).
That said, it is super-hot to play with the control-submission dynamic in bed. If you’re going to get into anything particularly rough, I would highly suggest a “safe word.” This is a completely non-sexual word or phrase that is a final “NO” if one or the other of you goes too far (because, let’s be honest, “no” can definitely mean “yes” in these situations).
Good luck and keep us posted!