08.23.07
Still weighing on my mind.
Sometimes I am such a bitch. And not in a good way. This thing with Cynthia is really bothering me, I guess. And I feel like there is nothing I can do, so instead, I become this bitch behind her back, mocking with others her obvious attempts to flirt with Jameson. And I feel so validated when I do it, but afterwards, I just feel like shit. I am supposed to be her friend!
Then again, she is supposed to be my friend and she is clearly and obviously flirting (admittedly innocently, I think, I HOPE) with my guy.
I wonder if I think deep down that there is a chance that he will leave me for her? I mean, anything is possible. While she isn’t his type, physically or personality-wise, stranger things have happened. Especially if she persists with the flirting. If he leaves me for her, would I be upset because I lose him, or just because I lose? I’d like to think it is the former, but I worry that my ego would get in the way.
I think maybe it is resentment on my part, which is weird. Cyn has always been a little…sensitive, maybe slightly depressed. So I feel like I have to watch out for her, more than I would any other friend. And I feel resentful that I have to take care of her and her feelings when she is blatantly not considering my feelings when she flirts with Jameson. So then I’m a bitch behind her back and purposefully do not include her in the goings on in my life, and definitely do not invite her out with us anymore. And then I feel evil, like I am being a bad friend and am taking away her one joy in life and her one chance to get attention.
I want to rise above it and not let it bother me and take the high road and not be such a bitch and all that good stuff, but it is so hard. And the fact that she is doing it just BUGS me, it is hard to get over it. Why do some relationships have to be so complicated?
libby said,
August 23, 2007 at 10:25 pm
ah, the million dollar question. but i can understand how you’ve been dealing, its only natural. i can also see it spinning outta hand. even if her flirting is innocent, the fact that her behaviour is upsetting you enough to make you do things you regret is, i think, a sign that you should talk to her about it. Not blame, just discuss how it makes you feel…Maybe then, things’ll be clearer, and if need be, you can bitch about her - guilt-free!!!
Sarah said,
August 24, 2007 at 6:10 am
From the way you write about it, I would think that Cynthia doesn’t know that you are with Jameson! A friend doesn’t blatantly flirt with her friend’s man like that. You are right to have serious issues about it. I’d be a bit more passive aggressive and be all “Jameson’ s and my relationship is going so well, Cyn,” and see how she reacts to that. Or bitch slap her. I can’t decide.
*kb* said,
August 24, 2007 at 6:22 am
I wonder if you could be projecting your insecurities about your relationship with Jameson on Cynthia!? I will also throw out there…. the things that usually bother us the most about others are usually the things we like least about ourselves.
I’m not making any assumptions here, just trying to put another angle on things.
I know you know this, but Cynthia or her actions should have no impact on your relationship with Jameson. AT ALL.
Cynthia’s actions are all about her!! Don’t allow her actions to effect you! I know…easier said than done.
Clink said,
August 24, 2007 at 7:28 am
Oh, Nicole, I totally feel you and I don’t think it’s all in your head. My roommate used to be HORRIBLE about flirting with my boyfriend (now fiance) in front of me. It was less about her wanting him and more about her needing validation. She still prances around the apartment in short shorts and says things to try and make him laugh, etc. It bothers me less, because she’s done it less ever since I talked to her about a “friend” who kept flirting with M and how it was pissing me off because she was clearly so pathetic. Even though I put it in the context of someone else doing it, I think she got the hint. I wish you luck with it, it’s not easy!
Jill said,
August 25, 2007 at 6:36 am
This isn’t good. The thing about being upset about something (at least for me) is that it’s going to come out one way or another. Even if KB’s observation (or hypothesis) is correct, I agree that it’s not that easy to stop being bothered by something that bothers you. So…the key is to find a solution! I like what Clink did with her roommate (maybe try that?) or can you set Cynthia up with someone? Maybe give her someone else to focus on?
And, if all else fails, I guess you might want to consider talking to her about it. I’m not sure if that’s the best solution but it’s better than keeping it in and lashing out at her in other ways.