08.15.07
It’s not all sunshine and rainbows.
There is one potential roadblock in the happy progression of my relationship with Jameson. Her name is Cynthia.
Let me back up, Cynthia is my friend. Cynthia was there at the wedding the night I met Jameson. Cynthia and Jameson know people in common (they have a mutual friend whose company catered the wedding) and knew of each other, but were not close. Acquaintances, I guess you would say. However, now, Cynthia is all. up. in. Jameson’s. business.
Since Cynthia and I are friends, and she was acquainted with Jameson, often times we would invite her out with us, or Cyn and I would invite him out. So we would find ourselves out, just the three of us. Often times, Cyn would monopolize the conversation (and him) with talk about the catering company and their mutual friend - topics that I am not involved with. She would drag him to the bar to ”get a drink and talk more in depth” leaving me to…twiddle my thumbs?
At first, I thought I was just being overly sensitive. (I also felt a little guilty, like I should let her have him in conversation because I had him overall, which, I know, doesn’t make sense AT ALL.) But then Jameson mentioned casually that Cyn was contacting him via email and telephone during the day, inviting him to events, sending him pictures, just “to chat.” Of course, all under the guise that she had something pressing and important to tell him about the catering company and their mutual friend. Right.
Now, to be honest, I do not think that Cynthia has any of those kinds of designs on Jameson. And I don’t think that Jameson has any of those kinds of feelings for Cynthia. I do think that Cyn has always had a competition thing with me, and likes male attention (who doesn’t?). I also think that Jameson is a nice guy that likes Cyn as a friend and perhaps also has residual guilty feelings for being interested in Cyn’s friend (me) when he’s got more people in common with Cyn? I don’t know, just speculation. Or maybe he’s just a friendly guy? Or maybe he thinks that being better friends with Cyn will lead to a closer relationship with me? I really don’t know. And, it really may not be that big of a deal. But, in the worst case scenario, I think that we are building a potentially dysfunctional and destructive three-way relationship. Cyn will cling, Jameson will pander. If Jameson and I break up, Cyn will (likely) take his side and then I’ll have to repair my relationship with her, in addition to dealing with the breakup. Cyn will blame me for “putting her in the middle” even though I wouldn’t, and will use it to flirt with Jameson more. I mean, really, the possibilities on how badly this could turn out are endless.
So, what to do? If I confront Jameson, I seem paranoid and whiny. If I confront Cyn, then I seem paranoid, whiny, bitchy, and like I am flaunting my relationship in her face when she doesn’t have one. That, and I don’t like confrontation. Should I say and do nothing and just watch the potential wreck unfold?
Jill said,
August 15, 2007 at 5:37 pm
This one’s tough. I don’t think you can ask either one of them to cool it. But, what you can do is this: I think you can ask each of them not to discuss your relationship w/each other.
And, if I were you, I definitely wouldn’t tell Cynthia anything that even remotely relates to Jameson (i.e. don’t tell her anything about Sebastian or how you feel about Jameson or any other “dirt” that she can use against you). I think that’s the best you can do.
In my experience the “wreck” occurs when there’s too much talk going around the triangle. If you eliminate the gossip factor, things should work out relatively ok.
P.S. For the record, I think it’s kind of sketchy that Cynthia’s doing this. Sketchy and catty. Yuck.
libby said,
August 15, 2007 at 5:44 pm
i think cynthia must have some feelings for Jameson…keeping her contact with him under wraps seems to confirm that, and she can easily use the guise of being friends w/him first if you confront her.
i wouldn’t do that.
i agree with what jill said. no use aggravating a potentially fragile situation with suspicions
*kb* said,
August 16, 2007 at 5:46 am
Yuck, I agree with Jill, this situation pretty much sucks. I also agree with the fact that I would definitely try to eliminate the talk to Cynthia about you and Jameson, and Sebastian.
I will also tell you to remember how cool you are and clearly the bigger person here AND you have Jameson! (hee! hee!) Try to keep your head held high, because this is like high school crap! Cynthia doesn’t sound like all that much of a “friend” either. She does sound EXTREMELY insecure and I’m sure Jameson will see this and I’m sure in no time she will be move further out of the picture.
AmyD said,
August 16, 2007 at 7:17 am
Um…this is just all kinds of fucked up if you ask me. Which you didn’t (really) but for REAL. This is a slippery slope. Like you said, if you don’t say anything, you risk allowing Cyn the chance to get deeper into this manifestation she’s getting into. If you say something about it, you’re the jealous/catty bitch who doesn’t value her friendship enough to think she would be trustworthy being friends with the man you are dating. Since I use humor for everything (and it only backfires on me roughly 15% of the time), I would make a joke about Cyn having a little crush on Jameson if he comes up in conversation again. I would probably say this to Jameson and NOT to Cynthia, though. She might get defensive - and if she does, we know the truth. I wouldn’t come right out and say something about being upset, nervous, or perturbed about it. Jill is right about that! Just try to be easy breezy but definitely be aware of what’s going on. I hate to think you can’t trust your friend, but stranger things have happened… Good luck with this one!
Nicole said,
August 16, 2007 at 1:33 pm
Hi guys! Thanks for the advice! I have already been sort-of doing what you all have been saying, limiting my talking with Cynthia about my relationships with Jameson and Sebastian. I don’t think they talk about “me and him” when they’re together - it’s more like Cyn being like, “OMG, and I have to tell you about what so-and-so did with the catering business!” And then going on and on and on, completely leaving me out of the conversation. (Even though I make it a point to never leave her out of a conversation I have with Jameson.)
I also did the humor stuff with Jameson a long time ago, and back when I wasn’t so invested - so back when it was genuinely humor - I think he said something about Cynthia and helping her find a man because he could tell that she was getting a wee bit desperate, and I was like, “Haha, and you never wanted to date her?” And he said, definitively, “No.”
I’ve just been keeping my interactions with them separate from a “just the three of us” thing. Like either me and J, OR me and Cyn, OR all of us with a big group of people. That way, at least I am not uncomfortable.
And, yes, this situation TOTALLY SUCKS.