07.09.07
Days 27 - 40+: Bigger, Better, Faster, Sweeter - Onto Something New
I have had the weirdest time the past few weeks. First my brother got food poisoning and had to go the hospital. Since he lives in my hood, I spent 5 days nursing him. Then I went to Colorado for work, and had a blast; then my computer crashed and it’s been a rocky road ever since.
I have decided to put my past behind me. All the worries about Wally (Wally who?), all the bitterness, resentment, and all my worries and uncertainty about the future. All my financial worries are not neccessary in my life anymore. I feel empowered to carve out a future for myself - a future of my own creation. I think the fresh air in Colorado knocked some sense into me.
With the “Secret” visualizations, etc I noticed I was good at visualizing and noticing when the Law of Attraction was at work, but I need major improvement in the most important parts - watching my thoughts and thinking more postive, empowering ones. That is so hard. But when I did it, I swear I felt better almost instantly. One morning in Colorado I actually meditated and started reading a book by Eckhart Tolle called The Power of Now. I felt so alive and at peace. I wasn’t getting any work done, but within a few hours, I got a call from someone offering me a new (very lucrative) project. It just felt like such a validation.
As far as Wally goes, I’m working on forgiving our past. Which means, not just forgiving him, but forgiving myself for the way I didn’t let myself receive, the mistakes I made, the misunderstandings we had, the bad timing, all of it. Eventually the ultimate test will be when I am at peace with everything and I feel that there’s nothing even to forgive.
I have resolved to move on and be present in my life and be the best person I can be. And be the happiest I can be. This is the summer of taking care of myself. And the truth (which I hate to admit) is if I had to guess, I’d guess that our story is still not over. But it would be pathetic to wait around, so I’m back to scanning for cute guys, hanging out with friends more, and even enjoying my own company. And focussing on the relationship I want to have. It can be with Wally at some point in the future, or with a new man of my dreams. Either way, there ain’t nothing wrong with that!
This wraps up my Secret Experiment for now. My next blogs will be in other categories, but I will take the practices of the Secret into my life because it really did help. It wasn’t just the techniques, but how much I used them. In the end, it all comes back to me.