06.22.07
Through the looking glass
So, as I was thinking about what to write about today, and really, every day this week, the thought occurred to me: There is nothing really to say. And that is a good thing. Without Sebastian in immediate proximity, I am not suffering from the daily ups and downs of dating that I had before. Work seems to be clipping along. Plans for the summer are being made. Everything is fine.
Granted, I’m not saying its great. I still freak out a little when I call him and he doesn’t call me back. I still wonder if the baseball game he is going to on Sunday is a date or really just a friend thing. And I still worry whether I am ready to even think about dating another person again. (There is a possible prospect and I don’t want to close the door entirely on it, but also I don’t know if I am ready to close the door entirely on my relationship with Sebastian.) I mean I want him to start dating first (so that I know it is over) but I also want to start dating first (so that I can have bragging rights). But, my yearnings, my thoughts, and my expectations get lower everyday and now, when we don’t have such great conversations or when he says he’ll call me later but doesn’t, well, I don’t feel like it is the end of the world anymore. Its definitely getting easier.
(I know I am dragging this ending out, and the best thing is the clean break but I just can’t do that yet.)