06.19.07
Please, be kind, don’t drop the rock on me
We are in a holding pattern. A holding pattern while I work up the strength to let it go. While the emptiness inside, the feeling that something is missing, goes away. Slowly but surely.
And I am training myself. Whenever I get to the negative thinking of how I miss him, how I want to be with him, how I’m not yet over him, what he is doing - all of that - I consciously stop, and remind myself that I don’t want this relationship. If all he can give me is this (and that is all he can give me if it is all he is giving me), then I don’t want it, I don’t deserve it, and I don’t need it. Why am I so concerned with being/giving him what he wants? Shouldn’t I be more concerned with getting what I want? Which, I can’t ever do if I’m still all tangled up in him. It’s slow going and some days (hours, minutes) are better than others, but I make it through.