06.18.07

Ten ways to impress a girl at a bar

Posted in L.A. Adventures, Random Thoughts at 11:52 am by Nicole

At least, how to impress me and my friends.  Garnered from the extensive “research” we did this weekend.

1. Smile at us.  But not all creepy like.  Smile like you are laughing at a joke.  Do not do the “guns” or wink or the one eyebrow raised thing.  We will run far far away if you do that.
2. Do not ever EVER order a “Jack and Diet.”  Or, any other drink involving a diet soda.  Maybe you drink diet soda in the privacy of your own home.  Maybe you aren’t on a diet but believe that you “crash” from all the sugar.  I don’t know and I don’t care, but nothing screams “I am either vain or have body image issues because I used to be fat and now work out inscessantly and am also possibly not eating carbs anymore so those french fries are all you, missy, but maybe I will be bitter that you are eating fries and so will try and guilt you into dieting too!” (or “I have Issues!” for short) more than a guy ordering a Jack and Diet.  (I can go on for days about this.  Maybe it is just my thing?)
3. On the dance floor, less is more.  If we let you dance with/near us, do not flail your arms about or perform some kind of strange pop and lock stolen from Darren’s Dance Grooves.
4. Do not tell us that you are married with children but see something special in us. 
5. Cut your losses and leave us alone if we act like we aren’t interested in you.  We are not playing hard to get.  We are really not interested.
6. Offer to buy our friends drinks too.  Nothing garners more pimp points.
7. Compliment our outfit.  But not too specifically or else we will wonder if you are gay.  For example, “That’s a hot dress” is good, “Oh my God, are those the new Paige jeans?  Work it, girl!” is not.
8. Smell great, but like you are clean and just smell great naturally.  Don’t overdose on the cologne.  And try not to sweat or get too hot because then you won’t smell as great at the end of the night when we are tired and want to lean on you.
9. Do not let us see you talking to other girls after you stopped talking to us.  But - and I know this is not fair but whatever it is my list - do NOT, under any circumstances, confront us if you see us talking to another guy.  I mean, he could be our brother or gay friend or friend’s boyfriend, so chill out.
10. Last, and here is the best piece of advice.  I can’t believe I am even sharing this, but, okay.  So if you are really into the girl and you want her number?  Take out your cell and say, “Hey, can I get your number?  Then I will call your phone so you can have mine too!”  This covers all bases.  Obviously, you are asking for her number, so you are taking charge, none of this “here is my number, you should call me” crap that some guys do.  But that second part is so key.  Saying that you are calling her phone right now tells her that she cannot give you a fake number to make you go away, and if she really doesn’t want to date you (see: ”Cut your losses,” above) she’s going to have to tell you that.  (But, hey, at least you know!)  Also, saying that she can have your number too shows that you are accessible and openand gives her a chance to program your number with either a “Yay!” ringtone or a “Holy fuck what was I thinking do NOT pick up” ringtone. 

Of course, when in doubt - and this, I think, goes for everyone - just be the happiest, most confident version of yourself and it will be fine.  I hope people will share their thoughts on this list or what impresses them in the comments, too! 

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