06.12.07
Days 23-26: To Try or Not to Try
Everytime I think of washing Wally outta my hair for good I feel sick. Literally. My chest burns & my stomach aches.
I realized on some level I’m stuck in this pattern of not knowing whether or not I want a particular guy - yearning for a relationship, craving his touch but somehow feeling unsettled about the prospect of a future together…like I’ve never found quite the right fit. But would I know it if I found it, would there be a resounding voice in my head ringing with that clear & certain, “Yes!”?
Or is it a choice you make at some point - where there is a strong enough foundation, when the good outweighs the bad enough to make it wise to love & commit for better or for worse?
I decided to own my own indecisiveness & yo-yo-ness. That’s what Wally is reflecting in me. I can’t blame him without looking at it in myself first. My antidote? To know I can create my own happiness with or without him & somehow it’ll all turn out.
I choose to be in a fabulous relationship, with someone who is a great match for me. Whether it’s Wally or someone else is just details…