05.30.07
If it all falls apart, I will know deep in my heart, the only thing that mattered had come true: In this life, I was loved by you
I’m feeling pretty good, even hopeful, today. Not necessarily hopeful that I will get back together with Sebastian - there may be too much blood under that bridge already - but hopeful that everything will work itself out like how it is supposed to be.
It always amazes me how fickle my emotions are, and how just one small thing can instantly make it turn on a dime. The fact that he called to invite me to visit him. That he wanted to share this new life, this new experience with me. Nevermind that I don’t know if I would actually go, it’s the offer that counts. Nevermind that today is a new day, a new perspective, a new opportunity for him to change his mind or forget about me. Nevermind that still for all intents and purposes he has nothing holding him to me and I have nothing holding me to him. All that matters is that today, right now, and last night, I knew I was still loved, I knew he still cared. I am not yesterday’s news.
Maybe, even, he misses me. Maybe he thinks about me sometimes. Maybe he sees little things that remind him of me everyday. Maybe, even, like he told me last night, he just called because he wanted to hear my voice right before he went to sleep. “Sweet dreams,” I told him, and I, too, went to bed with a smile on my face.
ice kubera said,
May 30, 2007 at 11:09 am
It’s so awesome that you are finding a way to deal with this separation. It’s inspiring.
bpgirl said,
May 30, 2007 at 11:48 am
Well, no matter what happens it’s good to know you are loved and missed - it makes the day more rosy, doens’t it??
TanyaT said,
May 30, 2007 at 2:50 pm
Do you think you will go visit him?
Anna said,
May 30, 2007 at 8:21 pm
I know Sebastian (as much as a person can know someone like him), and I know he misses you and loves you still. Since he’s not the type to express his devotion with heart warming generosity, you have to look to actions like these!