05.29.07
If you asked which one lives just alone for love - I do.
Things I miss about Sebastian: The way he smells, sleeping next to him, when he puts his arm over my shoulder or holds my hand, his crazy driving, his soft hair, eating out at fabulous restaurants with him, knowing (generally) what he is doing, the way his jeans fit him perfectly, watching him dance around, when he cooks for me, talking with him about future plans together (even if they never come true), and his energy.
Things I do not miss about Sebastian: Not knowing what my plans will be until the last possibile minute, feeling disappointed/rejected/not a priority, worrying about worst case scenarios (ok, I still do that), and the games and the drama (likely all in my head but still associated with him).
We’re in touch. At least for this weekend, we have been talking about once a day. I both love it and hate it. I love that he still thinks of me, that he wants to share his experiences with me, that we have that friendship. I hate hearing that his life goes on without me, that he’s having a great time, that other girls have wanted to give him their phone numbers (but he hasn’t accepted, apparently). I don’t quite know where to draw the line with the phone calls. I don’t know how much to share, how affectionate I can be (do I tell him I miss him and love him?), how demanding I can be (can I say “call me later today or tomorrow?”). I know I should let whatever happens develop organically - if we speak everyday great, if not, no big deal. But, in my world of managing expectations I work better in boundaries. I guess I will just stumble through it, one day at a time.
bpgirl said,
May 29, 2007 at 10:49 am
I guess we never miss the bad stuff, but in a weird way, maybe it makes the good stuff sweeter? When my BF goes away I love having the bed all to myself, but I miss him holding me. It’s such a paradox.
TanyaT said,
May 29, 2007 at 3:30 pm
I think if 2 people love each other, even if they break up, the love doesn’t disappear. After a break up, it brings me comfort to know what they are up to, and they are still thining of me, because of course I’m always thinking of them!
cumie said,
May 29, 2007 at 4:34 pm
I think it’s better to cut the cord and make a clean break. I’d go crazy if I had to hear my ex’s voice, or hear that girls are asking for his number.
blogfrog said,
May 29, 2007 at 4:58 pm
Yeah, guys can be so insensitive after a break-up, like they’re free, so they have a right to be as reckless with your feelings as they want!!!
ice kubera said,
May 29, 2007 at 6:19 pm
It’s nice of you to stay in touch. I’m sure he appreciates it.
Nicole said,
May 30, 2007 at 7:48 am
Hi guys! Welcome to the blog. Thanks for your comments! I know that in theory the “clean break” is the best way to go, but I have never been a “clean break” type of girl. In fact, when my college bf and I broke up (because he graduated and was moving across the country) I specifically told him that I knew that we would eventually lose touch (which we have…kinda sad) but that I could not go cold turkey and one day live with him and the next day never speak with him again. We were in touch that entire summer, I visited him before I went back to school, and, yes, we then slowly faded out of each others’ lives. It took longer, but I felt better. Sometimes a lot of the obsessing comes from the loss of the person, not the actual relationship. Knowing that the person himself is not lost (even if the relationship is over) definitely freed up a lot of obsessing time for me. (And, it was a good thing that bf was agreeable with the plan. Oh, and it also helps when the reason for the breakup was not because he was being an asshole!
)