05.29.07
Day 12: Schizoid Am I
I was exhausted and having a hard time staying positive. I was so up and down, I decided to keep a log of my erratic thoughts, just for laughs:
10:17 Depressed. Had the thought that anything between me and Wally in the future is impossible.
10:45 Wondered if that was really true. Called 2 friends to ask their opinion, but thankfully got their vm’s.
11:22 Noticed I was being completely unproductive, living in reveries of my last romantic and sweet weeks with him.
11:55 Contemplated going to an astrologer or psychic, but I’m not sure I believe in them.
12:30 Took a lunch break and looked at all my pics of him on my phone - he is so cute! Knew for sure that I had to have him back no matter what.
2:30 Made an appointment to get my hair dyed a lighter shade of blonde hoping I’ll feel hotter (I know, pathetic!). I’m deathly afraid of dying my hair, this better be worth it!
2:45 Optomistic. Did a visualization of him calling me and wanting me back.
4:30 Devastated. Decided he can never give me what I want and I don’t love him that much anyway.
6:00 Decided the future is unknown and all I can do is live in the present; and focus on making the best choices for my own life.
7:18 Did a page of affirmations on how we are going to get back together.
8:10 Got mad at myself for obsessing over him too much.
8:11 Looked at more pics of him on my computer. .
So you see, continuity is not exactly my middle name…
Nicole said,
May 30, 2007 at 7:39 am
I love this! It is *exactly* the roller coaster I am on everyday too! Are you really going to go more blonde Anna? That would be sooo exciting - tho I think you look hot now!
Anna said,
May 30, 2007 at 9:53 am
Well, I think just a shade lighter than my natural color…I’m terrified of anything drastic because I’ve seen so many hair horror stories, which & months!
ice kubera said,
May 30, 2007 at 11:11 am
I think anything that makes us feel better is worth the risk. I suggest going into it with a positive attitude. If they mess it up, they can fix it!
bpgirl said,
May 30, 2007 at 11:47 am
It’s funny how we go so back and forth with men. Is that because we sometmes break up prematurely? Or because it’s just hard to let them go, even if it’s the right thing to do? I’m so sure of what I want in my career, but with men I’m never as sure.
TanyaT said,
May 30, 2007 at 2:49 pm
Don’t be hard on yourself, I think this is natural, because you 2 loved (and still love?) each other. This is what all the best love stories are made of! And who knows what will happen in the future?
Mulatta said,
August 28, 2007 at 12:18 pm
i just want 2 give u a HUG, because, u poor soul… u sound exactly like i did one obsessing weekend where i pined & cried & called my friends & freaked ALL the way out like a child stomping on the floor in a toy store.
sometimes i’ve felt like an alcoholic locked out of a liquour store.
not anymore. i want what i want & i’m about 2 HAVE it! MANIFESTING WORKS~