05.28.07
Day 11: Vision of Love
You’re treating me kind, sweet destiny…
Okay, Now I’m gaining momentum with this Law of Attraction thing.
My big realization: Last year when Wally and I almost got back together but didn’t, and he got back together with Agnes (aka ‘the cow’), I was traumatized. I knew they’d break up, and I waited in silent agony for 6 months!
I felt rejected and victimized - even though if you talk to him, he says he still loved me but didn’t think it could work out. When we finally got back together in Hawaii (yes, that’s the real story), underneath everything I said and did, I was vibin on rejection. All the things I wanted to hear him say, the love I desperately needed him to express, the longing for that magic in every moment we spent together…it was coming from a place of trying to resist the constant rejection I felt and couldn’t get over, and was trying with all my might to avoid.
In the Secret, the teachers say that the Law of Attraction brings us whatever we think of. Mostly we think about what we don’t want, instead of what we do want. But by focussing on what we do want, we can bring it into our lives. (I think it also has to do with our beliefs about ourselves too.) So I was trying to chase validation and adoration because I was running from the rejection that was haunting me. So ironically, by trying so hard to get the opposite of rejection, I was really focussing on it, and attracting it into my life even more. And our past never stopped bugging me like a spiker up my butt.
And now, it’s no mystery - I got what I was trying to avoid - the expereince of rejection. I felt dismissed, brushed aside and neglected all the time, sometimes for no reason. And everything I needed him to say, he did say in his own Wally way, but I never got the satisaction from it. Even when he was so excited to see me, or said he couldn’t stop thinking about me.
So my solution? To focus on love. Wally or not. I’m not vibin on thoughts of limitation, rejection, neediness and lack. (I reject them!) Those days are over. I’m all about love and happiness. No matter what happens with him. I choose to experience happiness and peace in my life.
This is where I was at all day, and I literally felt buzzed…(I wasn’t).
sweetvictory said,
May 28, 2007 at 9:05 pm
do you think that by your feeling happier and good about yourself, you will attract a better guy, or better behavior from the current guy? just curious - either way you can’t lose.
anna said,
May 28, 2007 at 9:07 pm
I don’t know, it’s a good question. My guess would be that I’d start attracting the best in the people around me, but if I’ve outgrown any relationships and they don’t grow with me, someone new will show up. I think the jury is still out with this one…
sweetvictory said,
May 28, 2007 at 9:09 pm
That totally makes sense. As long as you don’t just settle for 2nd best because you think you can be happy no matter what happens. You still deserve a guy who will make you happy, even if you don’t need him to!!!!!
anna said,
May 28, 2007 at 9:19 pm
I hear ya…it’s a good point and I agree!
bpgirl said,
May 29, 2007 at 10:59 am
I totally know what you mean! Fear of any kind brings out the worst in us and in others. Somehow I think men smell it (like dogs do) and they can’t help making our worst fears come true! Or, we attract our own worst fears.
TanyaT said,
May 29, 2007 at 3:28 pm
I think you are doing great - kudos to you!
jason-facin said,
May 29, 2007 at 5:26 pm
Diva, don’t you even focus on rejection! Men love a confident bad-ass woman & you have to be strong to train them how to treat you! I told my first boyfriend Jamie that he better shape up or ship out, and I don’t mean maybe. He shaped up cuz he knew that I knew I was hot stuff. You know it, girl.
ice kubera said,
May 29, 2007 at 6:17 pm
One of my friends visualized finding the love of her life, everyday for 20 minutes. I think she also journalled about how it would feel. About a year later she met the guy, and a year later they were married.
Daniel said,
August 3, 2007 at 4:28 pm
I have to say, that I could not agree with you in 100% regarding Day 11: Vision of Love, but it’s just my opinion, which could be wrong