04.24.07
That’s the way love goes
Losing makes me sorry; well, now honey, don’t worry. Don’t you know, I love you too. That’s the way love goes.
I’m going to try this new thing where whenever I think about missing Sebastian or him moving away, or him dating other women, I’m going to force myself to stop, reassess, and think about the positive. Now this could be that I think about the good times that we had together, or how I’m better off without him, or whatever, but I’m just not going to let myself think about him in a way that gets me down. I mean, what’s the point? It is no fun for me to wallow in the “could have been’s” and the “why isn’t it me’s” (or the “why isn’t it him’s”) and, it is no fun for him to spend his last few days here with someone all down and depressed. In any case, I definitely don’t want that to be his last impression of me.
Letting go of both good and bad things in your life is hard. Even harder is letting go of someone that was a little bit of both. Today, the thought of coming into work without thinking about whether Sebastian was still sleeping or not made me inexplicably sad. I devote so much brain space to this boy and our dramas, I wonder what I will think about when he’s not a part of my (everyday) life anymore. I guess we will see. I keep reminding myself that broken hearts mend, that they are only temporary, and that I have survived - yes, that is the word - such moving away circumstances before, not just with Sebastian, but also with boyfriends past. Some I remained close to, some faded out of my life, and yes, it is sad, but I will move on and that is life. And I wouldn’t have my life any other way.