03.12.07

What would you give for your kid fears?

Posted in Dating Diaries at 9:26 am by Nicole

I am afraid that you will never love me how I deserve to be loved.  I am afraid that I will never feel with another guy the same way I feel when I am with you.  I am afraid that one day you will cheat on me.  I am afraid that you will force me to leave you.  I am afraid that even a friendship couldn’t be salvaged.  I am afraid that because I am with you, I am giving up other chances to be with other men that will treat me better.  I’m scared that your feelings for me will change suddenly and without notice, and you will leave.  I’m scared that you think I’m forgettable, not the girl for you, just an intermediary or a placeholder until the right one comes along.  I’m scared the right one already has and that you are looking for ways to tell me.  I’m afraid that I will realize that we don’t have long-term potential.  I’m afraid that I may have already given up all my power to be with you.  I’m afraid that my friends will never like you.  I’m afraid that I may not respect myself if I let myself stay with you.  I think you may be toxic for me.  I’m scared that you could be sleeping with other girls and that I could catch something which would just add insult to injury of my already broken heart.  I fear that there is no one else in the world like you.  I’m afraid that you will take me for granted forever.  I’m afraid you will never realize how much I love you.  I’m afraid that you won’t ever change.  (Or, I’m afraid that I’m not the girl who you would change for.)  I’m scared that I won’t ever get over you.  I’m scared that the problem may be me, and that I only love you because you are so unavailable, and that these strong emotions that I am feeling are not about you at all, that all this is not about you at all.  I’m scared that you will break my heart again.  I’m scared that you are only with me by default.  I’m scared that I will never be a priority.  I’m scared that because I am so caught up in this, I may never recognize and appreciate all that you actually do for me.  I’m afraid that you will never grow up.  I’m scared that when you say that you are better off alone and don’t want to be in a relationship, what you really mean is that you don’t want to be in a relationship with me.  And that you’d rather be alone than with me.  I’m scared that I’m turning into a cliche.  I’m scared that I will never be able to fully trust you.  I’m scared that you could be lying to me and I’ll never know the truth.  I’m afraid that I may have overstayed my welcome.  I am afraid that you don’t know the real me, and that if you did, you wouldn’t like me anymore.  I am scared I will lose you and will be forced to live the rest of my life just going through the motions. 

I am afraid that you will never love me how I deserve to be loved.

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